How to Write a Good Sex Scene

How to make them believable, not cringey.

If you are writing an ‘open door’ romance, this is something you might want to consider. Writing a good sex scene may give you pause for thought. And once you have, you will realise that you already have the answer: it's the same as what makes good sex in real life. These simple tips will help you focus on character emotion, tension, and authenticity to create scenes that enhance the story.

• Connection with the other person

Intimacy on the page works best when readers already feel the pull between the characters. This connection might be subtle—shared glances, easy banter, a sense of safety—or it might be electric and undeniable. What matters is that the reader can feel the bond. Without connection, a sex scene risks feeling mechanical or gratuitous. With it, the scene becomes meaningful and emotionally resonant.

• Established trust

Trust is the backbone of any believable intimate moment. It doesn’t have to be spoken aloud; it can be shown through small actions—respecting boundaries, checking in, reading the other person’s emotions, or simply being fully present. Even in tense or high-stakes narratives, trust signals to the reader that what’s happening is consensual, safe, and emotionally authentic. When trust is established, vulnerability becomes possible, and that’s where the real depth of a sex scene comes from.

• A deepening or change of the relationship

A sex scene should shift something. Perhaps the characters get closer emotionally, or perhaps the intimacy exposes a fear, flaw, or unmet need. Maybe it introduces conflict or solidifies commitment. Whatever the direction, the scene shouldn’t exist in isolation—it should nudge the relationship forward in some way. That change, however small, gives the scene narrative purpose and keeps it firmly rooted in character development rather than description for its own sake.

• Heightened emotions

Emotions—nervousness, longing, excitement, tenderness, even fear—are the engine of a powerful sex scene. These are moments when characters feel more intensely than they usually do, and those heightened emotions add texture and vulnerability. Let the reader sense the characters’ internal worlds: their hopes, their hesitations, their desire, their surprise. This isn’t about melodrama; it’s about tapping into the emotional truth of the moment.

• Set the scene with foreplay

Perhaps I should have started with this one! Foreplay isn’t just physical—it’s the atmosphere, the mood, and the build-up that prepares the reader for what’s coming. This can be a slow burn of conversation, a long-standing attraction finally coming to a head, or small touches that grow in intensity. Setting the scene properly gives the reader context and heightens anticipation. Foreplay creates pacing, sensuality, and a sense of inevitability that makes the final moment feel earned rather than rushed.

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Sex scenes can be slow and tender, urgent and hot, or conflicted and hesitant. Think about the emotional story behind each scene for each character. Make sure that the scene isn’t just a carbon copy of the one before. Consider consent and protection, but don’t labour the point. It might be best to mention it for the first scene and then never again.

It would be easy to dismiss romance writers as light or predictable, but crafting a compelling emotional journey takes real skill, discipline, and an instinct for human connection.

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Writing love stories—or stories with a little love in them? I’d love to help you shape your manuscript. Message me to chat about editing options.

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